If you find yourself in Minneapolis, Minnesota, you could go to Hell’s Kitchen for their Last Supper celebration this Friday. It sounds like a good time and one of the better end of the world as we know it marketing gimicks that I’ve seen lately. I love that they will have fortune tellers, psychics and palm readers.
I still have baking to do if I’m going to have enough cookies to build my replica of the main temple at Chichen Itza!
…or burgergeddon, or a cheesetastrophe, which is certainly what your primary care doctor will call it when you go in for your next blood draw. Your cholesterol after one of these would be truly catastrophic!
Of course those of us who know and love In-N-Out burger know that you can get lots of stuff off the secret menu, including extensions of the DoubleDouble (two burgers with two slices of cheese) by ordering, for example, a 4×4 (you get 4 meat patties with 4 slices of cheese). People have ordered heart-stoppingly massive extensions of the cheeseburger, right on up to a 100×100, though I can’t imagine for the life of me why you would want to. I imagine that anyone could have gone into an In-N-Out and order a 12×12 , though strangely enough it didn’t occur to me to do so. But then again, I’m more Harto than Harley myself.
I began reading this and my initial thought was “Only 2%? That’s still 2% too many!”
According to the U.S. census clock, the current population of the United States stands at about 315 million people. Two percent of that number is still about 6.3 million people, and since the study methodology explicitly excluded all those whose age made them statistically more likely to believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, that number is pretty jaw dropping. We need comprehensive education reform, like YESTERDAY, and it has to begin by banning from the science classroom any conclusion which relies on someone’s invisible friend for “evidence” about science matters.
But I digress, sorta.
Perhaps I should be rather comforted by the fact that we are getting ever closer to consensus over the fact that climate change will produce more, and more severe, weather events in the future. The topline takeaway here does seem to be that roughly 35% of the people surveyed are living in denial, thinking that the weather is not and has not been a problem, with 6% of that thinking that weather has actually gotten less severe over time. Another 36% (one imagines that these don’t overlap with the above cited percentages) admit that the world is seeing more severe weather but that it’s wholly attributable to the approach of the End Times (and, by extension that we cannot and therefore should not bother trying to do anything about it).
For the remaining 63% of Americans surveyed, clearly the weather is getting more extreme. Some of those people will be in the 67% of those who responded who believe that we ought to do something to address climate change and especially the use of fossil fuels which drive the rate of change. I’ve looked closely at the survey and there doesn’t seem to be anything there about whether or not that range of “doing something” includes anything more than importing Chinese and Japanese flood pods, though.
…that the rest of us have missed? First there was the guy building that survival boat, and now this. Apocalypse Balls.
Or The Great Balls of China? Cause that’s totally not racist either, right?
Actually, I thought these were pretty cool until he opened the door and showed that APALLING wallpaper. Seriously, you are clever enough to come up with this idea and make it work, and you manage some pretty cool sorta-camo exterior paintjob and THAT is what you put inside?!? After a few minutes of that I’d want to open the hatch and take my chances in the water.
I will grant that the focus on practical questions like the seatbelts and the table with handrails makes it somewhat better than this, which though it has a more attractive finish also barely seems big enough for one person, let alone the four it is supposed to hold.
What you could do is get one of those big pods and have it overnighted to your backyard to give you the most possible time for rehabbing the interior into something a bit more chic. Then get a couple of those smaller Noah pods for the family pets (and one for each teenager and toddler so that you can face the end of the world as we know it in relative comfort. Put bumpers on the shells and tether them together and the whole family can just float away on the crest of the waves until the waters roll back.
In fact, there could be a great secondary market designing interiors for escape pods. Maybe some folks like the “Great Aunt Tessie” look, and for those clients there could be pictures of kittens with balls of string, crochet doilies on the table and antimacassars on the backs of the seats. Then you have the “007 package” complete with built-in champagne buckets, circular waterbed with satin sheets (your choice of colors), mirrored ceiling and mini fridge stocked with a range of wine, strawberries, and caviar.